As a dating coach and matchmaker, I hear about many first dates. I love when people say, “It was love at first sight,” or, “By the time our first date ended, I knew I had just met the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with.” But I rarely do.
When I get feedback from my dating coaching clients and their matches I see common themes. People make the same mistakes over and over and prevent themselves from success in dating. I hope a little bit of self-awareness can improve your experience, boost confidence, and lead you to desirable results in finding true love.
The Most Common First Date Mistakes
1. Talking Too Much About Yourself And Not Asking Enough Questions
It's natural to want to share your interests and achievements, but dominating the conversation can come across as self-centered. Instead, practice active listening. Ask open-ended questions and show genuine interest in your date's life and opinions.
Example: Instead of talking endlessly about your job, ask, “What do you enjoy most about your work?”
2. Not Preparing for the Date
First impressions matter. As a dating expert, I often remind my clients that arriving late, dressing inappropriately, or choosing a location without any thought can send the wrong signals. Plan ahead, dress neatly, and choose a venue that encourages conversation.
Example: Showing up in casual clothes to a fancy restaurant can be off-putting and it falls into first date mistakes category. Dress to match the venue’s atmosphere.
3. Oversharing Personal Information
While honesty is essential, revealing too much too soon can be overwhelming. Keep the conversation light and positive. Make sure you focus on common interests rather than past relationships, health issues, or personal problems.
Example: Avoid saying, “I’ve been heartbroken since my last relationship ended.” Instead, share hobbies and interests.
4. Talking About Exes
Discussing past relationships on a first date is a big no-no. It can make your date feel uncomfortable and give the impression that you're not over your ex. Keep the focus on getting to know each other.
Example: If the topic of relationships comes up, you could say, “I’ve had some learning experiences, but I’m excited to see where things go in the future. What about you? What do you look for in a partner?”
5. Poor Body Language
Non-verbal communication speaks volumes. Watch your body language. Slouching, avoiding eye contact, or crossing your arms can make you seem disinterested or defensive. Sit up straight, maintain eye contact, and use open gestures to appear more approachable.
Example: During the date, make sure to face your date directly and lean in slightly when she’s speaking. Nod occasionally to show you’re engaged and interested in what she’s saying.
6. Being Too Negative
Complaining about work, life, or previous dates can create a negative atmosphere and it's a very popular item on a first date mistakes list. Stay positive and highlight the good aspects of your life and experiences. Positivity makes you more attractive and contagious.
Example: Instead of saying, “I hate my job; it’s so stressful,” try, “Work has its challenges, but I’m grateful for the learning experiences. I’m actually planning a fun trip next month to unwind. Do you enjoy traveling?”
7. Not Paying Attention to Your Date
Checking your phone, looking around the room, or getting distracted can make your date feel undervalued. Give them your full attention to show that you're genuinely interested in them.
Example: Keep your phone on silent and out of sight. When your date is speaking, maintain eye contact and respond thoughtfully, like, “That’s fascinating! Tell me more about your trip to Italy.”
8. Drinking Too Much
While a drink or two can help ease dating anxiety, it's crucial to stay in control. Overindulging and getting sloppy won't leave a good impression. Try to stay present and engaged with your date, maintaining a clear head and respectful behavior.
Example: If you feel nervous, limit yourself to one drink and sip it slowly. Focus on the conversation and your date rather than relying on alcohol to ease tension.
9. Trying Too Hard to Impress
Bragging about your achievements, wealth, or connections can come off as insecure. Confidence is attractive, but arrogance is not. Be yourself and let your personality shine through naturally.
Example: Instead of saying, “I make six figures and drive a luxury car,” say, “I’m passionate about my work and enjoy the challenges it brings. What are you passionate about?”
10. Ignoring Boundaries or Talking about Sex
Respect personal space and set healthy boundaries. Physical touch should be appropriate and consensual. Pay attention to your date’s comfort level and respond accordingly.
And here are my two cents as a dating consultant about sex. If you come off as more interested in sex than getting to know your date, she'll be turned off. Being too focused on sex makes you seem desperate. Don’t start the date with the hidden agenda of having wild sex in the next couple of hours—people can sense that a mile away. Sure, intimacy is important, but if you push for it too quickly, it won't lead to dating success or a real relationship.
Example: A light touch on the arm when emphasizing a point can be fine, but if she seems uncomfortable, step back and respect her space. If you're unsure, it's always okay to ask, “Is this okay?”
11. Not Offering to Pay
While it's acceptable to split the bill, offering to pay shows courtesy and respect. It’s a gesture of goodwill and kindness, not a statement about financial capability. Be gracious if your date insists on splitting or paying.
Example: When the check arrives, you can say, “I’d love to treat you tonight. How about I get this one, and you can get the next?”
12. Forgetting to Follow Up
A quick message after the date thanking them for their time shows that you enjoyed their company and are interested in seeing them again. It leaves a positive impression and keeps the communication on a date open.
Example: After you get home, send a message like, “I had a great time tonight and enjoyed our conversation about travel. Would love to do it again sometime soon!”
No More First Date Mistakes
So, those are the main first date mistakes people tend to make on a first date. If you steer clear of these, you'll have a way better chance of hitting it off. Just keep it chill, be yourself, and really try to connect. Dating should be fun, not stressful! So go out there, enjoy yourself, and good luck!
***********************
As a dating coach and matchmaker, I specialize in guiding singles frustrated with dating apps' superficiality toward finding meaningful love and real connections. I offer 1:1 dating coaching for men, dating coaching for women, matchmaking, and empowering dating profile pictures for successful online dating. Book a free 30 min discovery call and learn how your dating life can be changed.
Comentarios